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Friday Follow-up 2010-04-30

April 30, 2010 By Leave a Comment

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Learn To Lead Yourself Before You Lead Others

April 28, 2010 By 5 Comments

This phrase actually came from Tiger Woods. At his news conference before the 2010 Masters.  He actually said that his father told him he must, “Learn to help himself, before he helped others.”  But I decided I liked “lead” instead of “help” so thanks Tiger for the quote.

I have experienced many types of leaders through my life.  Many of them never really lead as much as they told those that worked for them what to do. They then went about taking credit for the good, and giving blame for the bad.  I worked with a man once that complained about Dr. John C. Maxwell’s writing on leadership, but never read any of it.  I would suggest he never learned to lead himself.

Discipline is hard, but discipline is a must for anyone who wants to be successful at whatever they do.  If you are always late, it is because you are not disciplined enough to be on time.  Not because your family is a late family and you always have been.   When I was in the Navy I learned this lesson first hand.  I was relieved from my watch every day by a man who was consistently late.  I reported the man several times and he was moved to other watch sections but his tardiness never ceased.  He was finally taken to Captains Mast and reduced in rank before being released from the Navy.  His inability to be on time cost him his job, and he never knew why.

Control your tongue. Swearing is one of the best signs of an  undisciplined mouth.  In the bible we are told that the tongue is like the rudder of a ship.  A rudder is small in comparison to the ship, but turns the thing.  Your tongue can lead you down roads you do not want to travel.  Swearing is not the only sign of an undisciplined tongue.  Arguing, sarcasm, complaining, and gossip are other signs.  No one wants to be around someone who complains all the time.  It’s just not fun.  Learn to control what you say and do by Forming Better Habits which can take some time, but pay huge dividends in the long run.

Discipline is more than being on time and controlling how you talk.  But being on time is a good start and controlling what you say is a good start.  Make a list of things you need to do and stick to the list this way you can be encouraged by you progress, and prodded when you slack.  Always remember, you can only accomplish something if you do it.   The minute you put it off, you will stop and lose your momentum.

From Mary Jo Asmus  Stuck? Admit It and Ask For Help

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Forming Habits You Can Live With

April 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Professionals will tell you it takes 21 days to create a habit.  While this may be true a habit that is only 21 days old can easily be broken.  Habits a truly formed over a lifetime of study and change.  The younger we form the habit in our lives the deeper the habit will be ingrained.  Kids that learn to get out their books and study as soon as they get home will keep this habit for a life time. On of the strongest habits we as Americans have is watching TV.  Yes it is a habit not a need for you to watch must see TV every night.

Here is one way to form a habit.

1) Take a 3×5 index card and write in the first person present tense the habit you want to form.  If you want to be more courteous, on time, an early riser, what ever habit you want to form write it on the card.  Only Do This For One Habit At A Time. If you try to change to many things you will change nothing.  Read the card every hour during the day to instill it into your mind. Example:

I get up at 5:30 every morning

2) Do what you say you are doing.  If it is hard to get up get a coffee pot that automatically makes the coffee before you wake up so you can go get a cup as soon as you get up. You must do the thing you want to.  Reinforcing by reading and then not doing only brings disappointment in yourself .  This turns into failure talk and you stop doing what you really want to do.

3) Don’t give in to tomorrow talk.  I’ll start tomorrow will never start.  You have to do the things you say you want to do or you will never do anything.  If you do the same thing enough days in a row you will find it becoming easier over time.  It becomes ingrained and you become better for it.   A habit is like a computer program that just starts ever time your computer starts.  You don’t have to worry about it and you know you can rely on it being there.  You will do the right thing every time without having to think about it.

Charles C Noble said this, “First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”  You can do what you set your mind to, but you have to do it.  Reading about it will not organize your house.  Watching a TV show will not drop the pounds.  Listening to a motivational speaker will not get you off the couch.  You have to go do it so do it today.

For all you techies here is a website to help you with your habits HabitForge.  It is free and emails you everyday for 21 days.  Another place I like is FutureMe.  You can send an email to your future self just so you know what you were thinking, or check up on where you thought you should be.

You Can Start A Payment Jar

I hate to admit it, but I have a swear jar.  If I use a curse word I put a dollar in the jar.  It only has five dollars in it, but that is a sign of a habit I need to break.  If you want to stop swearing or even stop eating out a jar is a good way to encourage change.  Fro the eating out, or spending money without accounting for it, you put the amount you were going to spend in the jar so you are saving the money instead of spending.  Yo can also do this by asking a friend to keep you accountable. This is the jerk friend that points out when you need to put money in the jar and smiles at your failure.  Yes it needs to be a jerk friend that you will get so tired of seeing their smiling face tell you to put the money in the jar you will stop doing to get back at them instead of losing the money.  Remember, you still have to do it for it to work.

Here is a quick idea from Unclutterer…Three quick organizing projects you can do right now

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Greatness Is Grown, Not Given

April 22, 2010 By 1 Comment

The story goes like this,” a tourist walking through a small town in Europe asks an older man, ‘Were there any great leaders born here?’ The man replies, ‘No, only babies.’”   Many people dream of being great, whether they think of greatness as being a world leader or a mom who takes care of her children,  people dream of greatness.  The problem is, many people “DREAM” of being great but never act on the dream.  Most of these people want greatness handed to them with no strings attached.  They have a skewed view of greatness.

What is the right view of greatness?

You must first realize that greatness is grown and not given.  You can not wake up “great” one morning unless you have put in a lot of time learning to be great before that morning.  I heard John Maxwell say, “What you are in ten years will be determined by what you are reading today.”  If you do nothing you will get exactly that.  Work is part of greatness.  If you want to be a great leader then you have to work toward that.  If you want to be a great parent, you have to work toward that.  If you want to be a great person, you have to work toward that.

Don’t confuse Greatness with Fame.

Many people in today’s American culture believe greatness is being on television or being famous.  The problem with that thinking is, being on T.V. does not make you great, and from what I have seen it usually makes you a jerk. From the local news guy or woman to the Hollywood star or starlet most people who are “famous” to us are great bu any means.  Don’t confuse politics with greatness either.  Think about it, how big of an ego do you need to believe you are better than anyone else in an entire state or nation for one job.  These guys fall all the time because their ego has to be continually fed.   Don’t get me wrong, we used to have great leaders and great news people and I am sure we still do.  The majority makes the great ones look bad and they all get lumped together.

Spend Time Working On Yourself

Make a habit of getting up daily and going to work on yourself.  Spend as much time as you possibly can every day reading books and listening to Cd’s or mp3′s from speakers that build up your life.  Change the way you think about life and the world.  If you hate everything or if you complain stop doing it.  Make a conscious effort stop the bad habit.  If you are a religious person spend time reading your holy books and learning from them.  I am a Christian and I spend time daily not just reading the bible and praying, but trying to practice what I have learned.

Work with a coach if you need a good swift kick in the rear a coach is great for the job. I offer coaching but if you need someone to run through a thought process you are having, feel free to contact me.

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Goal Accomplishment – Take The Risk

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Taking a risk when you are a teenager or twenty something is easy.  You have no cares and no real recourse if you fail.  Actually people expect that age group to take a lot more risks than people who have matured into their thirties or beyond.  After we “grow up” we are supposed to rely on our job, with our HMO and 401k for security. We are supposed to settle down and just fit into those decisions we made as teenagers or twenty somethings to become something we hate at thirty or forty.

Chances are if you scrubbed the 401k and HMO  and began learning to invest your money you could make more of a return and start living off what you invested. The problem is that the majority of people will complain about their job, their health care, and 401K, but never do anything to change it because the refuse to take a risk.

Helen Keller said, “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

Think about the 9.7% of the American population that relied on their “job” for security.  Right now if the unemployed had just a couple of other income streams or had learned to manage their own money better we would not see so many foreclosures and bankruptcies.

Do you know how to invest your own money, or take care of your 401k so it does not lose all its value. Take the risk and learn to manage your own money, I use Investools (I get no money for telling you that).  While they do try to get you to upgrade their service, their basic service is fine, and the introductory class is great to help you get started managing your own money.

What can you do better than anyone else.  What little thing can you do on the side that will help you start to make an alternative income. Take a risk and start your own side business or find that job that you have always wanted but keeping up your current lifestyle won’t allow.  If your house is to big for your job, take the risk and get out of the house. Downsize to something you can afford.

Don’t stop taking risks because it is what someone your age is supposed to do.  Take a calculated risk and plan your steps so the risk is manageable.

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Failure Is An Option

April 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Like success,  failure can not really be seen.  Yes, you can see people on the street that have “lost” everything.  But have they lost everything, or have they just stopped living?  I know many people who have lost most or all of their monetary value at one time in the past.  Instead of ending up on the street they just started over and have gained back all or more than they lost.

Many people will tell you those that have succeeded are just more fortunate than those that have not.  There is no road that will take you to either place. There are however several things you can do to make sure failure will follow you where ever you go..

Don’t Know What Your Gifts Are

Learning your gifts is probably one of the most time-consuming things you can do, but it will  also pay one of the largest dividends.  Each of us were created with a purpose on our lives. If you do not know what you are good at you can not find your real purpose.  I started speaking ten years ago and that lead to writing which lead to wanting to create a website.  Through this process I discovered I had a knack for technology and could use my speaking and writing to help others start their own websites or hone the ones they already have.  If you refuse to try different things you may never find what you are good at you  will never be a real success.

Don’t Have A Road Map

You can think people are just lucky and believe that fortunate people are the only ones that success visits, but if you don’t know where you are going, you are bound to go no where.  My wife challenged me on this once as she told me she never set a goal to become a nurse.  I asked her when she knew she wanted to be a nurse and she told me eight years old.  She had in her mind from the time she was eight that she was going to be a nurse and no one could tell her otherwise.  Sounds like a road map to me.  While I suggest writing it down as an adult, the mind of a child can form an image so clear it is just like writing it down and reading it everyday.  Not deciding where you want to go is a key to failure and not writing it down will also help.

Don’t Fail

Yes it is true, one of the keys to failing is not ever failing. I know you tried once so it won’t work.  That kind of mentality will ensure complete failure.  If you are too scared to fail, you will never taste success.  Knowing what does not work or what you are capable of doing, is the only way to know what does work and what you can do.  “People are like crabs in a bucket,” says Zig Ziglar, “Once you have two in a bucket they will keep pulling each other down so you never need a lid.”  Realize that people are going to try to pull you down because they want you to fail.  If you succeed they won’t have anyone to be miserable with.  Don’t let others get you down, and don’t be scared to fail as much as it takes to succeed.

Taking Failure Personally

“If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try again.” You know that is not the way the saying goes but it is the way most people think.  If I tried to do “x” before and failed then that is not for me.  Maybe that one thing is not for you or maybe you didn’t know how to do it. Don’t look at it as I failed, look at it as something you learned and may not be good at, but if you take that and combine it with something else it could be the right thing for you.  If you want to fail look at it as the world is set up against you and failure is your destiny.

Below are a few more thing others have written about success and failure.

Image Via Flickr User dannysullivan

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Being A Success

April 13, 2010 By Leave a Comment

No one has ever been able to truly show what success is because it can neither be seen nor held.  While it can’t be seen , I believe that success can be defined as: doing what you were created to do.  Notice I did not say anything about money or things which is how most people define success.  The truth is I know many people who are successful but have very little monetarily. So if success is doing what you were created to do, how do we do that?

Do Your Best

Doing your best  is part of doing what you were created to do. You can not do better than your best, and you can only do your best at what you were created to do.  We are all unique, and have been given abilities to do things that no one else can do, and be someone no one else can be. You may not have been able to decide where you were born, but you can decide what you do with the life you have been given.

Think Small To Grow Big

We were all created for a reason.  While I can’t tell you what you were created to do,  I can tell you that you have a natural ability that only you can use.  You are in control of yourself, and you are in control of whether or not you use your gifts.  Our tagline is, “Get There, Stay There, And Pass It On.”  I use it because I know the only way to get to the top of the mountain is to start the climb.  Mountain climbers know that training and climbing smaller mountains is the key to success when climbing bigger mountains.  You will never climb Everest, if you have not first climbed a hill.  The same goes for your life, if you are not willing to do your best and climb the smaller hills first, you will never be a true success.

Thrive Where You Are

If you are beginning a small business or working from home, don’t give up the job you have now if you are not willing to do it to the best of your ability.  I see many people who are not happy where they are.  They have a bad boss, or bad people around them, or they just hate the job they have.  If this is you; my suggestion is to learn to do the job as best you can and if you are starting a business let the job be your seed money.  I know many other career/business coaches that will tell you to get out now if you hate the job because the pressure of being unemployed will drive you to do whatever it takes to get the business off the ground.  That may be true, but if it takes a year or more, you may run out of money  and in today’s economy you may not get a job if you need one.  So learn to do your best at the job you have, and do your best at the career you are creating until it can support you.

Give Only 100%

Many times we are hampered in doing our best by believing that doing more, is doing our best.  If you are trying to do more, or even less than you can, are you really doing your best?  If you do more than 100% you are probably skipping things and are out of balance in one or more areas of your life.  If you are doing less than 100% you are getting the benefit of someone elses work and that is just like stealing.  Give 100% to whatever you do.  If you can’t give 100% cut out things until you can give it to all you do.

Practice, Practice, Practice

This may seem childish but it is the only way to become the best at what you do.  If you want to speak in front of audiences then get in front of the mirror and talk.  If you want to play golf then get on the range and hit.  Michael Jordan didn’t learn to shoot playing video games, he went out and shot tens of thousands of baskets.  You have to as well.  If you want to teach a subject you have to read books and take notes.  The process is long but it has to be done.  Dr. John C Maxwell said this, “There is a price to pay for everything. You can either pay it now, or you can pay it later, but there will be a price paid.”

Success is built one accomplishment at a time. If you never do anything you will never accomplish anything.  So as you stand at the bottom, or the middle, or wherever you are on the mountain of life remember this.  You and only you can figure out what you have been created to do.  You and only you can decide to be a success at the job you have.  And, As long as there is breath in your lungs you have a choice about how high up the mountain you go. Decide what success looks like and start the climb today.

Image Via Wikimedia Under CC 2.5 Liscense

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Do Things Rather Than Have Things

April 7, 2010 By 3 Comments

 

Castillo de San Marco St. Augustine Florida

I heard Bill Bennett  say that a couple of years ago and it has stuck with me.  When we were children we wanted everything we saw. We would beg our parents to buy this or that and many times if they could they would.  Other than the Star Wars toys, I don’t really remember all the things my parents bought me when I was a child.  I do remember going camping, fishing, hunting, and family trips.

As adults many of us have not grown up, I am included in that.  We want everything we see and if we can get it we do.  As a whole we have spent ourselves into a very bad place, and while this is not about our debt it can be applied.  At some point we must shed our childhood ways and begin to think like adults.  We have to stop buying everything in sight for us or our kids. When we focus on getting more stuff we enter the “Rat Race” and begin to live for the stuff, and not live a God centered life.

What will your children remember when they are grown.  Will they remember the time you spent with them or the things you bought them?  Will you be able to spend time with them when you are older or will you have to keep working to pay for your stuff?

I know this is a short post, and maybe I am just talking to myself.  If you have any thoughts on this I would love to hear them.

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What Barriers Are Holding You Back?

April 6, 2010 By Leave a Comment

“What Does The Invisible Fence Look Like?”

The above question was posed by my youngest son after some friends had an invisible fence installed at their new home.  The question has stuck with me for a couple of weeks now and, me being me, I have pondered what some of the invisible fences look like in our lives.

Other People

One of the strongest barriers are other people.  We let others dictate our moods, our thoughts, and many times our jobs.  Many of the people in your life that put up the fences don’t even know they are affecting you so you live behind the fence by yourself while they are out having fun and roaming the neighborhood.  Don’t let others dictate your life, listen to your inner voice and break free.

Money

I wrote is not a rat race .  I called it the rat race then but if you are running around the yard behind the invisible fence of money, you are still not going anywhere. I know, you got a house and all the food you can eat, but are you really living?  Get out and share some time with your puppies.

Beliefs

This is a hard barrier to cross especially for people who live in the United States.  Your beliefs can separate you from others that can add to your life.  If you decide people who do not believe what you believe are all stupid or evil, your fence may be pretty strong.  The good news is that any fence can be dug up.  Go make a friend with someone who is out of your belief area. Go cut the cord and go run around the neighborhood.  Find out what other dogs are roaming around free and join them.

I don’t know what your invisible fence looks like or where it comes from.  What I do know is that if you do not do something about it you will never become the person you were created to be.

Seth Godin: Maybe You Need New Friends

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Getting Out Of The Rat Race

April 4, 2010 By 3 Comments

I understand that you have to get your work done.  I understand that you need a job and in this economy anyone who has one is going to do what it takes to keep it.  But you have to ask, “Do I have this job because I like it or do I have it to keep up my appearance”?  The rat race starts when you begin keeping up appearances.  If you are showing up everyday at a job you hate and working on projects you hate because you need to keep your stuff then this treadmill is just going to run and run and run.

Let Go of Some Stuff

The more stuff you have, the harder you have to work to try to keep it.  give away some stuff and downsize.  One blog I read is Mind the Beginner.  Christiaan Wrote a post last year outlining a 100 item challenge and then revisited it earlier this year. The minimalist view is that you can live with only 100 things in your life.  If we each only had 100 things imagine how much easier our lives would be. You would have to decide between socks and a vase to go on the bookshelf, or even a book itself.  In the second post he finishes with a method of getting rid of 100 things.  I know this will fill up some landfills but look at what we waste now.  What are you racing to keep and why?  My story is one of moving and having to down size due to less space.  We moved into a two bedroom condo from a three bedroom townhouse.  We still have stuff in piles but it is getting closer to being gone.

Race to Really Win

What can your life really mean?  If you can’t quit your job, what can you do to make an impact where you are?  If you go to work everyday with a bad attitude then you are going to be miserable no matter what.  Can you find 3 things every day to be thankful for, then share them with others at your job?  If you are bringing work home then get a cd series or audio book you can listen to on your way home to help you wind down.  Remember, the more you look at your spouse when you are angry, the more you will get angry when you look at him or her.  Think snowball.  You can roll it either way.  You can unwind the snowball making it smaller and more manageable, or you can roll it around and make it as big as you want until you explode.  The choice is yours.

Don’t let the race run you down.  You can control how you think and how you respond to work and to stress, and to that boss that is always on you.  The way you think begins with what you focus on.  If you hold your hand up to your face you only see your hand.  If you hold your hand out at arm’s length you may see your hand, but will be able to see the world around you as well.  You may have to run the race, but you don’t have to participate in the stuff that goes along with it.

What can you do this week to let go of some stuff and to get out of the rat race?

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/csatch/ / CC BY 2.0

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