If we are going to find balance in our lives we have to start somewhere.  Learning to lead ourselves means knowing when to stop working, and start living.  No matter how much you have, it will never bring you peace.   I know there are more ways than these so feel free to add yours to the comments.

1.  Stop saying Yes.

No I don’t mean say yes to things you want to do and no to other stuff. I mean say no to everything.  Once you have told someone no, then you can go back and say yes later.  This will give you freedom to choose what you want to do and not have to back out of things you don’t.  Think of the times you have said yes to something you thought at the moment of asking that you wanted to do, only to realize later that it really was not your first choice of things to do.  Saying no to everything will give you a chance to test everything you want to do, then allow you to choose the best things.

2. Evaluate Everything.

When you evaluate your choices you can list them in the order of importance.  The example here would be volunteer at the church picnic or clean the house.  If you are going to freak out because the house is not clean, that would be the better choice.  While volunteering at the picnic may make the most people happy, your peace of mind is still the better choice.  Evaluating also allows you to decide earlier how to plan.  You could clean the house the night before and still make the picnic, if you evaluate and plan what you want to do.  There is no right answer to our question.  You have to decide what is the better option.

3. Plan everything.

Yes I know that people live among us that are free spirits.  Spontaneity is the only way they want to live.  I also know if they would plan in times to be spontaneous those weekends to Miami would be less of a headache on Monday morning.   As a free spirit you can take ideas 1 and 2 and give yourself more time to be spontaneous, but still do things  for your greater good.  Having a plan will let you see where you are getting caught making two promises at once.  Having a plan gives you the opportunity to see where you are at and make adjustments to help you do what needs to be done and not feel overwhelmed.

4. Learn to be intentional.

As I was developing a plan for spiritual growth I came across a word I had heard, but never paid attention to, “Intentionality.”  Intentionality means you are doing something you intended to do.  Have you ever said I wanted to be a better… or I wanted to spend time doing… The truth is you never intended to do either thing because you did not do them.  If you had really wanted to do them you would have.  Being intentional means doing what you say you are going to do.  I want to spend more time with my family but we have to much going on.  Then get rid of the stuff and spend time with your family.  Be intentional and you will never have to say I wish I had done that.

5. Plan one weekend per month just for you, or your family.

This needs to be done for a year in advance, and can not be compromised by anyone or anything.  This is your me time, or family time to just stop and relax.  It can be at a local park or a lake.  It can be at the house with the phone and computer off, but it has to be planned, and it has to help you unwind.  This is the one I will get the most push back on.  The, “I can’t…”  will start coming out.  You can make all the excuses in the world why you can’t do this.  Start making excuses why you have to do this, and it will get done.   If you learn the art of being intentional about the things that really matter you will do the important and not make excuses.

6. Downsize.

This is the one 90% of you will tune out.  If you have read this much then hang-on.  If you really want to have balance in your life, get rid of your stuff. Stuff is the reason most of us have no time.  If your house burned down tonight what would you try to save.  If your laptop comes before your children, my point is proved.  Take a serious inventory and list in order of importance the stuff you can not live without then start getting rid of everything else.  A good post to read on this is the 100 Items challenge. It has challenged our family and I hope it challenges you.

7. Don’t focus on what other people have.

When we look at the things others have we begin to want.  We see their nicer car, we see their nicer home, or boat, or couch, or cabinets, and we lose focus on why we are here.  When you focus on what you have been blessed with, you begin to see you have enough.  It may not be the newest and nicest, but it is yours and it is paid for.  Don’t get sold on advertising.  You are the reason the companies you buy from exist.  Go on a media fast for a week and see how you feel.

8. Evaluate what you say.

You may not know this, but we say a lot of words everyday.  Even shy people talk more than we think.  Taking time to think about what we say can help us find balance.  Instead of blurting out the answer you think the other person wants to hear, listen to them and let them find their answer.  This does two things.  It helps you not give bad advice, and it lets them know you care enough about them to listen to what they think.  Not giving bad advice keeps your conscience clear, and letting them know you care opens your life to new relationships.

9. Cultivate Friendships

Don’t try to go it alone.  You need people in your life that can come along side you and help you carry your burdens.  Jesus said, “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  He said that because he comes along side those that chose to accept his burden and helps them carry it.  There are many people in your life now  that you can turn to for guidance and help.  Take time to get to know those around you, and maybe you can help someone else in the process.

10. Realize Your Dream

Set a goal of living a balanced life, then set the small goals to achieve that.  Many people say they want to live a balanced life, but most don’t do it because  they never really start.  Starting the process can be as much as getting in the habit of getting up 30 minutes earlier each day.  don’t try to do everything at once.  You have taken to this point to get unbalanced, take the time to become balanced.  Living each day as it comes and practicing prayer and meditation, will increase your balance exponentially.  Don’t give up if you don’t get it the first time.  Be intentional and keep at.