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Dealing With People Who Hurt Us

January 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I come from a long line of grudge holders.  I have had to deal with it my whole adult life.  If someone hurt me it’s over for them.  They go on the list and I treat them like they don’t exist. This has been the biggest work God has been doing in my life over the last couple of years.  Opening me up and laying out the bad attitude I thought was gone.

Here are a few things from 2 Corinthians 2:3-11  I’m working on.

1.  Deal With The Sin. That is not something I or most people want to hear, but that is what Paul did, and is doing in this letter.  He did it in the previous letter by challenging those who were challenging him. And in this letter he is telling those who are shutting out someone who has repented to let them back in to the church community.

If you really have been hurt, then go to that person and talk to them about what you believe they have done. Here is where I fall into a problem. I wait until I am so mad, all I can do is scream and yell when I try to deal with the person. That’s the wrong way to do it. I know now that it has to be done in love, and prayerfully. Not with a baseball bat and curse words.  There is a possibility that the person who hurt you does not even know.

2.  Forgive those who we believe have hurt us. Forgiveness is hard. Peter came up to the Lord and asked, “How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?” Jesus answered: Not just seven times, but seventy times seven!  When we forgive someone we are releasing that person from wronging us.

Jonathan Falwell Said this, “Chosing to forgive faces the sin and deals with it rather than avoiding it… You must choose to say, ‘No matter how many times I remember the pain you caused me, the emotions I felt surrounding the situation in the past, I have accepted your confession and I have promised that I will never hold that sin to your account again.

3.  Do Your Best To Live With Them.

Romans 12:19-19 says If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

My good friend Ken says that most people miss that first part, “If It Is Possible.”  There are people you will meet that it is not possible to live at peace with.  That’s okay.  You do your part to live at peace and if it is really sin, and you have truly been wronged God will handle it. You live in peace with that person even if living at peace means not having contact. That’s what you do.

4.  Show them your love.

John Piper says, in his book Desiring God that, “Love abounds when your joy is mine and my joy is yours…love is what exists between people when they find their joy in each other’s joy.”

When you get your pleasure out of the other person’s joy, that is love for that person.  Most of the wrong we face is not wrong at all.  The people at the local fast food place don’t get your order wrong just because it’s you, they do it to everyone.  The line at the grocery store is not slow because you are there, it’s slow because there are a lot of people in trying to check out.

Can you imagine spending your life trying to help others find joy in their life. Isn’t that what being a Christian is about? When someone really knows the joy that comes from a relationship with Christ we see their true joy.  This real love helps you to see things in a greater perspective not your personal perspective.

Take time this week to help others find their joy. Whether it is your spouse, your children, friends, coworkers, or someone who has wronged you, take time to this week to help someone else find joy. And you will see your grievances begin to disappear.

 

Image used under cc2.0 license from http://www.flickr.com/photos/monoglot/

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Playing Out Of Position At Work

January 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I know it is popular among leadership experts to remind us to work on what we are good at.  However, the truth is that many times we are asked to do things we are not good at, and maybe have never thought about doing.  Whether it is for one project or to replace another worker, learning to play out of position will benefit you in the long run. So how do we do it?

  1. Learn What Is Expected Of You – This can go a long way in succeeding at your new position.  If you go to your superior and find out what is really expected of you, you won’t have to act like you know what you’re doing.  Know the job because that may be exactly why you are in it in the first place because the last person did not know what they were supposed to do.
  2. Have A good Attitude – The way you approach the job will also show initiative.  If you mope into the office everyday and look like someone just kicked you in the face, chances are people will notice and you may be on the way to a demotion, or even fired.  Look interested and happy to have a job and chances are you will move on to a better job.  I know a guy that has had to move out of three different states because he had a bad attitude.  His position is scarce and hard to fill so he can always find work. He hates everyone and complains constantly always looking for the greener grass.  Now he has had to move his family again because of his attitude.
  3. Ask for Help – You need people around you who  know how things operate in your new position.  Yes there may be conflict if you got promoted over someone with more experience, but you got the job for a reason, and that person didn’t.  You need people to succeed and acting like you know everything won’t win you any friends.

Can you learn to play out of position? Absolutely! One of my favorite people that learned to play out of position and succeed is Warren Sapp.  When Warren Sapp came out of High School he was a tightend.  He learned to play defensive tackle at The University of Miami and became one of the best ever in the NFL.  I know the NFL is different than life, and we are taught today that we should only focus on getting better than what we are good at.  But you can not only get better at what you are good at you can learn something new and be effective in a roll you are not exactly the right fit for.

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Using S.O.A.P. Method For Bible Study

January 18, 2011 By 6 Comments

We have started  2011 at New Journey Church Jacksonville by setting a goal for all member to read through the bible in a year.  I wanted to do more than read so I started searching for bible study methods I have not used before.  I came across the S.O.A.P. bible study method and thought I would share it a little here.

S. Scripture – Read the scripture you have chosen for the day or that period what ever you are doing.  Take your time and really read not skim.  Pick out verses that speak to you or ones you would like to dig deeper into.

O. Observe – Think about what you have read.  Think about the people, what would they see, feel, smell, or whatever you want to add to their experience.  Write these observations down in your own words.  I like to write like I am writing to my second grade son.

A. How does it Apply - Three questions you can ask from what used to be http://thetwitterbiblestudy.com/ but is now at Greg Surratt are

What did you learn about God?

What did you learn about yourself?

What did you learn about life?

Any question that can help you apply what you learned to your life.

P. Pray - Pray that God can help you use what you learned, teach others, and direct your life.  Listen and just take time for Him, not just you.

image used under cc2.0 license from flickr.com user  http://www.flickr.com/photos/modernemily/

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Do You See Yourself As A Servant?

January 17, 2011 By 1 Comment

Luke 17:10b says, “When you’ve done all you should, then say, ‘We are merely servants, and we have simply done our duty.’”

I love to serve.  I also love to be served.  I think I would fit right in with Jesus’ disciples when they asked to sit at places of honor in his kingdom.  This is a hard scripture to swallow as an American.  We live in the, “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.”  Where everyone’s a winner because we can’t make anyone feel bad.  But in the end, the more we give (or lose) of ourselves, the better off we are.

So the next time you decide to berate the girl taking orders at Wendy’s because your order is taking to long (Sorry I just watched this happen so it is fresh in my mind) think about what it means to serve  her while she is serving you.  We need to remember that in reality we deserve nothing, and will have nothing when we are gone.  Give back what you can while you are here, even if it is just a smile for a cashier.

 

image used under cc2.0 license from http://www.flickr.com/photos/epsos/

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Dealing With Consistent Problems

January 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I haven’t experienced a lot of big problems.  I have had it pretty good in my life, but I know people who can’t seem to go a month without something happening that could only happen top them and two other people in the world.

Two guys from the bible can teach us how to deal with our problems.  I picked Job (Pronounced with a long “O”)  from the old testament and Paul from the new.  Two really great guys, but both had problems and dealt with them admirably.

So What Did I Learn?

1.Everybody has problems

Job was known as the greatest man in the east. Paul wrote most of the new testament. These were two really great and impressive guys that loved God, and they still had problem.

Mary Tyler Moore  said this, “None of us get out of here without pain.”  She was divorced three times, lost her sister to drugs, and son to suicide, was addicted to alcohol, is going blind because of the diabetes caused by alcohol abuse.

Moore has also won six Emmy’s and a Tony award. But she knows what it is like to experience great pain.

2.We can’t always understand why in the middle of the problem.

We can not understand why we are going through what we are while we are going through it.  Once we get on the other side of the problem we gain insight that we could never have in the middle of it.  Once Job had gotten through his pain he was able to see that God was in control, and he got his life back plus many times more.

3.Satan will whisper things in our ear to draw us away from God.

Job had three friends that blamed him for what was going  on.  They were not the counsel Job needed because they had no perspective of the situation.  Get people around you that you can trust.

4.Our Problem can draw us closer to God.

Notice I said “can”. If we are willing to seek him out and trust him during our problems he will come closer to us and walk us through it.

So how can we seek God in our consistent problems

1.See it for what it really is

This is not something that will last forever.

2.Learn to give thanks.

2 Corinthians 1:3-6 Praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! The Father is a merciful God, who always gives us comfort. 4 He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble. 5 We share in the terrible sufferings of Christ, but also in the wonderful comfort he gives.6 We suffer in the hope that you will be comforted and saved. And because we are comforted, you will also be comforted, as you patiently endure suffering like ours.

If there is something in our lives we can not include in thanksgiving, the Devil has found a way in. Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

3.Learn To Rely on God

2 Corinthians 1:9 -10 we felt sure that we were going to die. But this made us stop trusting in ourselves and start trusting God, who raises the dead to life. 10 God saved us from the threat of death, and we are sure that he will do it again and again.

When we learn to rely on God we begin to grow and mature. We stop focusing on ourselves, and what we want, and we begin to focus on others and what they need. You see the more I focus on God, the more he helps me love others.

Job Suffered, Paul Suffered, but God allowed this suffering so that He could have more of each man. He wants all of you, not just a little part on Sunday.

If you are enjoying a time of blessing right now, don’t fear the suffering. Don’t stress always looking for the next problem. Learn to rely on God even in the Good times.

If you are suffering right now, know that an end will come. Use this time to rely on him even more.

He Never said it was going to be easy John 16:33.  But He Did say He was always there for us Matthew 11:28-30

Ask him to show you that grace.

Just be honest with him, and he will be honest with you.

Image used under cc2.0 license from flickr user peregrinari

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Filed Under: Discipleship Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Using the Body-For-Life / Eating-For-Life Plan

January 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

My wife and I use the Body-for-Life cookbook Eating-For Life.  We used to be hard core gym rats going everyday and spending a couple of hours each visit.  We used the Body-for-Life eating and workout regimen then and we were in the best shape of our lives.  Until…I did something stupid and snapped my ACL putting me out of commission.  That was 5 years and 40 pounds ago and we have not been able to get back on track since.

Which brings us to present day.

We have started eating right again and planning our meals every week.  We have eaten in restaurants three times in the last month which is a major accomplishment because we usually eat out three times per week at least.  Body-for-Life has a lot of recipes online now as well, so we utilize that for trying new tastes.  

The plan is essentially this

Breakfast 

2-3 hours later snack

2-3 hours lunch

2-3 hours snack

2-3 hours supper

2    hours snack

I know you have seen this model before if you have looked at eating plans but this is one of the oldest models for this.  We were doing it in 2003.  I currently weigh 264 which is down from 268 at the first of the year.  I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but this isn’t Biggest Loser, and I don’t want to gain it all back like the majority of them do.  

Filed Under: Personal Growth Tagged With: , , , ,

How To Read A Book For All It’s Worth

January 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Learning How to Read a Book Will Help You Learn More and Faster

I read a 3-4 of books a month.  When a book really catches my attention there are several thing I do to make sure it sticks with me.

1. Take Notes

I take notes on everything I read, listen to, and watch.  I am a note taking machine.  But I usually just file those notes away for future reference.  When  I read something that I know I need right away, I keep the notes where I can get to them and read them several times a day.

2. Underline, Bookmark, or Highlight

This only applies to books you own.  I get books from the library all the time so I can’t mark up the pages.  But if I own a book it gets well annotated.  I put sticky arrows to pages that are highlighted and underlined.  I write in the margins and dog-ear at the top and bottom to make sure I know where I am supposed to be reading.

Now that I am doing more reading on the Nook or Kindle and on my computer, I bookmark and highlight passages.  I need a way to get those passages straight to Evernote (Developer Idea Here).

3. Reread

If you own a book this is easier, but if it is borrowed or from the library you can buy it or just check it out again.  The second reading is where the deeper lessons come from.  I just finished a book I read over a year ago and the lessons really hit home the second time around.

4. Teach Someone Else

When you teach, you get more out of it than your students do.  When you develop a lesson plan it helps you dig deeper into the material.  Even blogging requires you to get deeper into what you are writing about.  Blog about what you read, just don’t steal it and rewrite it.

5. Apply It

When you use what you learn, you put it into your habits.  Adding this step to what you want to learn will increase your chances of doing what you want by 100%.  Go do it instead of just reading and memorizing it.  Knowledge may be power, but knowledge doesn’t get stuff done.

The best book on learning how to read a book is How to Read a Book
By Mortimer J Adler. Adler was the editor of Great Books of the Western World
from Encyclopedia Britannica. I used to own the 54 volume set from 1952 but only have the St. Augustine and Thomas Aquinas

Filed Under: Discipleship, Leadership Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Great Customer Service

January 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I shop at Publix for a reason, but yesterday proved my loyalty.

I had to run in and pick up two cans of corn and a twelve pack of coke’s(In the south small “c” coke’s means any canned soda).  I saw a sign that said,  ”Get these chips free with purchase of 20pk or larger Coke products” so I picked up a 20pk and the chips and headed for the checkout.  When the cashier scanned the two items she told me I needed a coupon to get the chips free.  Upon hearing this a manager and the grocery bagger both rushed off to find the coupon so I could get the item free.

Having worked in the customer service industry for fifteen years I know it is the little bit extra that makes the difference in good and great customer service.  Publix has alway provided great customer service so they always get my business first.

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Using SlideShare

January 10, 2011 By Leave a Comment
“Every day we learn how to use SlideShare more effectively. What we do and we think works best is to upload as much valuable content as we can, tag them correctly, keep a consistent design, branding and messaging, and share them in the right channels with the best tools. If content is interesting it will have results!” Nikos Sarilakis

via Ping.fm

 

Filed Under: Leadership Basics Tagged With: , ,

My Reading Goals For 2011

January 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I am not by nature a heavy reader.  I have become a reader over the last couple of years after realizing how much reading helps me grow.  It helps me grow as a father, a Christian, a husband, a friend, and a leader.  So without further adieu here is my reading list as of January 10th, 2011.  Let me know what you are reading below.

Malcom Gladwell

I am reading his book “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking”  and have “Outliers: The Story of Success” and “The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference” waiting on my e-reader.

Timothy Keller

I have read “The Reason For God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism”  but I want to dig into it a lot deeper.  I will also be reading “Prodigal God: Recovering The Heart of The Christian Faith”

Francis Chan

I have read both  of these books as well, but want to dig deeper into them.  Both of them stretched my thinking, and challenged me to live differently.  I however have not learned that lesson yet.  Crazy Love: Overwhelmed By A Relentless God and Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit.

Other Authors

Tribes by Seth Godin

Knowing God by J I Packer

Made to Stick by Dan & Chip Heath

The Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler (He Wrote “Walking the Bible”)

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni

The Divine Conspiracy By Dallas Willard

Celebration Of Discipline By Richard Foster

Radical by David Platt

Simple Church By Thom Rainer

The Cost of Discipleship By Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Transforming Discipleship By Greg Ogden

Put Your Dream to the Test By John C. Maxwell

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