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To Whom Much Is Given

February 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Much Is Expected.

As leaders we are given much in the way of people, resources, and opportunities.  One of the key things we need to realize is,  much is expected from us.  As a leader, the way you treat people, use resources, and leverage opportunities will be what you are remembered for.  If you are constantly looking for the next big thing, or the next hot church to further your career, people will recognize that.

People should always come first.  And your family should always come before other people. If you can’t take care of your home life then you shouldn’t try to lead anyone else.  Our training ground is our home, and it is the most important leadership area of all.  Being where your kids and spouse need you to be when you need to be there is more important than making the deal.  Surprisingly, your kids want to spend time with you more than they want you to make a million dollars a year.  People are your greatest asset and learning to work well with people is the key to long term success.  If you aren’t good with people start reading books on how to be.  Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People is a great book to start with.  John Maxwell’s Winning with People is a more modern book and just as good a Carnegie’s.

How we use our resources is another way people view us.  If we are continuously under budget people are more apt to trust us with there money.  But if we are taking out more loans and deepening our debt to look like we are doing well with the budget, people will lose trust in us.  If you can’t stick to a budget, consider handing it over to someone else to keep you accountable.  Let’s face it, there are some people, me included, who are just not good with numbers.  We need help so we have to be willing to let that part go and trust who we put in charge.

Opportunities are a big deal breaker.  If you have led for any amount of time you know the continuous drum beat of opportunities knocking at the door.  Being willing to say no more than you say yes will keep you from becoming overloaded.  Opportunities can use up our resources, and our time, which takes away from our family and others.  I’m not saying opportunities are bad, most are just not the best for us, and learning to only take to use the best will keep us sane in the long run.

Think about your opportunities today.  Are you choosing the right ones or are you just picking?  Do you even know which ones are the right ones? 

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Filed Under: Leadership, Leadership Basics · Tagged: , , , , ,

Stop Looking For Approval

February 21, 2012 by · 2 Comments
English: approval button

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We all want people to like us, and when they give us their nod of approval it makes us feel important.  But I want you to understand that approval may not come.  And if you believe you need it to function, there are times it will never come.  When that happens, you will be disappointed with yourself or mad at them.  And the sad part is, they will never know.

Wanting approval is a natural habit.  We want our parents to approve of us when we are kids, we want our peers to approve of us when we are teens, we want our coworkers to approve of us when we are adults, and many people still wait for their parents approval as adults.  When we try to break this habit, it can be really hard.  My wife’s mother would call her and ask why she hadn’t called in a week or two.  There were several heart-to-heart talks before the issue was resolved, but the relationship flourished when both people knew what the other was thinking.

People aren’t psychic.  No one knows what you are feeling or thinking.  They just can’t.  And if you are holding things in like a good little passive aggressive you’ll just get mad and self-destruct. in our family we try to remind each other of this fact, even the kids. We want each other to understand that if we want something from another person we have to tell them because chances are, The other person doesn’t know .

In the grand scheme of things we all have to remember we don’t need anyones approval but Gods. He is the one we should all want to please and respect. But we also have to realize he’s not waiting out there to catch us doing something wrong so he can disapprove of us.  But, when we try to please people we end up shifting our focus from God. When this happens it can be a downward spiral or a time of growth depending on how you react. We can start becoming someone we aren’t just to get people to like us.

Think about where you are in your relationships?  Do you need to have some conversations with people about your neediness, or their neediness?  Do you need to have a conversation with God about your neediness?

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Filed Under: Discipleship · Tagged: , , , ,

Take Responsibility For Yourself

February 20, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Most people go through life blaming others for their mistakes and failings.  How many times have you heard someone make an excuse when they were caught doing something wrong?  The majority of people who do wrong will never admit fault.  That also equates to the majority of people never taking responsibility for themselves and the lives they lead.  It was the way I was raised, I didn’t get a promotion because of the boss, they didn’t get hired because someone was younger, the government keeps me down, the church is to blame, or what ever else people say. * So how do we change?

We have to first realize who we are was created by our past.  No you couldn’t choose to be born somewhere else to other parents.  No you couldn’t choose where you lived or who you lived with as a child.  You are right now who you are because of your past and there is nothing you can do about that.  Next you have to draw a line today and let it all go.  This may take counseling or coaching, but you have to let the past be the past starting now.  Now you have to start taking responsibility for what you do from this point forward. This isn’t an easy task, but it will be rewarding the more you see yourself change and grow and move away from the blame game.

Some things you can do are:

Read good books – When I started my journey I read John Maxwell, Zig Ziglar, and Jim Rohn.  Get The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Or any other book that you believe will help you begin the journey.  John Maxwell said, “What you are reading today is who you will become in ten years.”

Stop watching the news or television at all – This is one of the strongest addictions for people to break.  Think about what you watch then think about how you react in certain situations.  I saw a survey once that said it only takes five minutes per day of bad news to make people believe those things will happen to them.   While I do still watch sports I got rid of satellite and bought a Roku Streaming Video Player so I could watch internet TV and movies instead of regular TV.

Ask for help.  – Coaching and counseling are great ways to help you get out of a rut.  If you can’t afford either of those, many pastors will help you for free, but you usually have to be a member of the church, and show some sort of effort to change.

When you figure out you are responsible for your life and your future you become a grown-up.

 

 

Caveat from the first paragraph *Do I believe the government makes it hard on people, I absolutely do.  But I also believe to  many people use the government excuse as a crutch.  The government favors the corporation there is no doubt, but the government does not make you smoke, eat cheeseburgers, take drugs, or believe you can’t.  If people really want to change they need to start by getting out of their own way.

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Filed Under: Leadership Basics, Personal Growth · Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Don’t Let Your SalesPeople Tell Lies

February 17, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I worked in the service industry for ten years before I started Pinnacle Balance.  One of my biggest problems while I was there were salespeople.  Of the three companies I worked for, all in the same industry, sales was always the one with the highest turnover and lowest customer satisfaction.  Three companies, same problems. Why?  After talking to one of the sales guys who left but stayed in contact I answered the why.  All of the sales people would drift between companies so wherever they went the culture was always the same only the paychecks were different.

Okay, so why does the customer satisfaction carry over? Because when you are accustomed to lying to customers to get sales, they get mad when you don’t deliver. So what happens next? You lose a customer, but not just one, probably several.  When you lose a customer they talk to people in their line of work and if you lied they tell it.  Here is an example.

I walked into a customer office who to my surprise had bought a completely different item than they had tried out.  When I questioned the lady she said, “No it is the same type just a smaller box.”  Knowing she had been lied to I let my boss know. When he spoke to the salesperson he explained that they had to come in under a competitor so they sold her an inferior product to cover their commission.

The salesperson made the sale but we had lost the customer with in a year because the other company wasted no time pointing out our lies.  So in the end yes there was a sale but probably many lost sales from repeat business.

As a leader you have to train your people not to look out for themselves.  Being intentional with your training is the only way you are going to keep good sales people and continue to succeed in whatever line of work you are in.

Filed Under: Leadership · Tagged: , , , ,

Just Let It Go

February 17, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Coming from a guy who has dealt with anger issues most of his adult life, just let it go may sound like a far-fetched idea.  Honestly, don’t we all, or at least most of us, deal with difficult emotions every day?  Anger may be the most common, but fear, guilt, anguish, and grief all keep us up at night.  So how do we cope?

Prayer – I know this is cliché, and is obvious to many, but prayer really does work.  When we realize we have some one who has takes all our scars, we don’t need to hold onto them any longer.  Jesus said he will give us rest, and we need to let him.  Once is not enough.  You can’t say I prayed once and it didn’t work.  You need to pray and listen until it changes or God gives you another answer.  Don’t give up.

Change What You Think About - If you are wallowing in your own self-pity over something you can’t change then stop.  You can only change yourself, you can’t change your boss, your kids, or your spouse, so stop trying.

Change Your Circumstances – While I will never in any way say you should get a divorce, I will tell you to get marriage counseling.  Other than that it’s fair game with friends and family.  Don’t go to thanksgiving if grandpa cusses you every year.  Don’t hang out with people who are bringing you down.  Don;’t ever be around anyone who would belittle you or your children.

Deal With The Person – I know this goes way beyond most people’s passive-aggressive nature, but just telling the person you don’t appreciate what they are doing will make you feel better about yourself.

You have to decide what you’re going to do with your emotions, because no one else can.

Filed Under: Personal Growth · Tagged: , , , , , , ,

Stop The Self-Pity

February 16, 2012 by · 1 Comment

If you are going to change your world, or just your self, the first thing you need to do is stop the self-pity.  We could all save ourselves hundreds of dollars over the course of our lives by just doing this one thing.  We wouldn’t need half the self-help book, videos, courses, or websites for that matter if we would all just stop our self-pity.

Think of it this way, you beat yourself up and everyone tells you you’re doing a good job.  This may help for a while but deep down, you’re just positive you’re a worthless human being and you just can’t shake the feeling.  No one has said you were worthless, no one has pointed you out as a stupid oaf, but you just can’t shake the feeling you just suck the life out of the world.

Let me be quite clear, there is a real problem with people who suffer from depression.  If you genuinely have depression you need to see a doctor or psychiatrist and get real help.  But the majority of people reading this need to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for themselves.

What this HABIT does is change your perception.  You can really talk yourself into destroying your job, family, and life by focusing on yourself and what you don’t have or can’t do.  And that’s all it is, is a habit.  When you decide you are going to focus on the positive in your life, job, and relationships, you will see a dramatic change in your output, and life.  Think about this, if you continuously tell yourself how wild your kids are, they are going to be wild.  If you alway say how bad your job is, you’re going to hate your job.

Paul said to think on theses things:

  • whatever is true,
  • pure,
  • right,
  • holy,
  • friendly,
  • and proper.
  • Don’t ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise

None of these things are bad for us.  There is no self-pity in any of these things.  Think about the truth that God loves you very much.  Think about the purity and holiness of Jesus.  Think about how friendly the people you love are.  Think about how worthwhile you are to everyone you know.

You are special whether you believe it or not.

Filed Under: Leadership Basics · Tagged: , , ,

Find What You Love To Do

February 9, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Part of knowing where you are in life is finding what you love to do.  My wife is one of the coolest people I know, because she has done exactly what she wanted to do every day for the last 20 years.  To some people that sounds absurd, and it sounds that way mostly to people who wake up every day and go to work at a job they hate.  Not her, she goes in every day to a job she loves.  Don’t misunderstand me, she has bad days, but they don’t phase her.  she wipes them from her memory and takes off again for the new day like nothing has ever happened.

When you don’t love what you do you are setting yourself up for failure.  You find everything wrong with your job, your boss, your co-workers, and eventually you will find yourself looking for another job.  I don’t want you to think that just quitting your job and trying something else is the answer, but trying other things while you are still drawing a paycheck is a good way to figure it out.  With the exception of a job I took for three months just to make money, it took me four years to get back the income I lost when I just up and quit my job.  So from the experience I had I suggest you find the income in what you like before you quit.

You can make money at just about anything.  I have a friend who makes hand carved ink pens but he still has a day job.  He is building the business while he has a back-up income.  Don’t let your  belief that you don’t have and quantifiable skills stop you.  I know people who paint murals in people’s houses, book lovers who work part-time at Barnes and Noble, and guys who teach surf lessons on the weekends.  there are things you can do while you are working to get started, but don’t think it will happen over night.  There may be some growing you need to do first so go with the process and never give up on your dream.

 Make a list today of what you are good at, and what you love to do.

Filed Under: Personal Growth · Tagged: , , ,

Five Steps To Setting Your Goals

February 7, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

The first principle for goal setting is you have to know what your destination is.  When you go on a trip you know where you want to end up, it is exactly the same with goal setting.  If you don’t know what you want, how are you going to achieve it.

NOTE: If you are looking for get rich quick, or name it and claim it tactics this is not the post for you.  If you want solid goal setting teaching then this is for you.

When you choose to set your goals, you are taking control of your life. You know what direction to go in and while the future is not completely clear, you know where ultimate destination is.

If you are a Christian reading this I want to say up front your biggest goal should be a deeper relationship with Christ.  That is the greatest goal for all professing Christians.  Through that relationship all goals should be set.

Most people do not set goals and they give several reasons:

  • they are scared of what might happen
  • they are afraid of the sacrifice
  • they don’t know what to do once they are set
  • they don’t want to do the work
  • they don’t believe in themselves
  • they don’t want invest the time
  • they have been told Christians don’t set goals

The list really can go on and on.  You have to decide where you are willing to draw the line and start using self-control and discipline in your life.

Let’s Set Goals

Step 1 – Be absolutely honest about what you want.  Get a notebook if you don’t have a notebook get a sheet of paper for now and write down everything you want to be in life, everything you want to do in life, and everything you want to have in life.  This is the time when you need to get really honest with yourself and with God.  Ten years ago when I started setting goals my list was a lot different from what it is today.  I wanted a huge house, a new truck, and to be world-famous.  What that did was put me face to face with things I really didn’t want, but I thought I wanted.  God knows your heart before you even write it, so nothing you can put on this will be a surprise to Him.  Remember this, it is not usually the goal that we really want, but the feeling of how we believe the goal will make us feel.

This exercise should take about 30 minutes, so really go after it and write down everything you can think of.  If you are on the computer on of the apps I like to use to manage my time is Focus Booster it is a free app that times you for 25 minutes so you can take breaks and clear your head.

Step 2 – Put your goals into categories. This should take no more than 20 minutes to start.  Putting your goals into categories will help you see where you are focusing your life.  You can use Job, Business, Relationships, Family , Travel, Finances, Self, Personal, Volunteering, Vacation, Retirement, Spiritual, Education… the list really is endless, and some things will overlap.  Don’t make this harder than it is.  Job, Family, Spiritual, Kids, And Self can encompass a lot of things.  Just like the first step this can be modified later.  On of the great things about this process is, when you start thinking about it, you will think about it a lot and when you are laying in bed just about to go to sleep, the really big idea will pop into your head and the categories will get very specific.

Step 3 – Give your goals a time frame.  Decide how long each goal will take to achieve.  Use increments to decide.  I use 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, and over 10 years.  Everything that is easy, goes in 1 year, everything that seems really hard right now goes into the over 10 years category.  Again this is not rocket science, you can make the categories into whatever you want, just don’t make them every year or every six months.  You don’t need that mush structure for this because it will drive you crazy.

Step 4 – Prioritize your goals. By prioritize I mean which 1 year goal is most important, and which is least.  Which 5 year goal is most important and which is least, and so on for all time increments. This may seem redundant but look at it this way.  If you have a five year goal that is a very high priority for you, you are more apt to work on that goal now, than a relatively minor year three goal.  Since most of my goals now involve travel, I have to decide if the new android tablet is a must now or should I put the money in to the travel savings account. Priorities keep you honest.

Step 5 – Are these goals morally right and fair to everyone involved? This question comes from Zig Ziglar and may be the most important question you can ask.  If your goals involve others, you need to discuss them and their outcome with everyone involved.

Finish up with these questions

  • Are your goals clear?
  • Are they balanced?
  • Do they inspire you?
Filed Under: Goal Setting · Tagged: , , , , , ,

Know What Is Going Into Your Mind

February 2, 2012 by · 1 Comment

Part of knowing where you are is knowing what you are doing with your thoughts.  Many people look to their childhood, teen years, or past experiences to describe why they do the things they do.  These excuses begin to in grain themselves into your subconscious mind and they keep you from becoming who you were created to be.  Let me explain.

A person I know believes every person in her family hates her because she believed her mother hated her.  When her mother passed away she found a note in her baby book where her mom explained she really didn’t want a girl.  Her mind stopped on that phrase and it has increased to everyone hating her.  What she fails to mention is the rest of her life.  Her mother may not have wanted girls but she got two, both of whom knew the boys were favored as they were growing up, and both who were raised and loved just the same.  One sister loves her family and spend time with them every year, the other shuns them and blames them for her troubles.

When you put bad, evil, and scary lies into your head, what do you believe will come out of your thoughts.  If you watch only news TV, Fox or CNN, do you think you will be more or less likely to respond hatefully to the other sides arguments?  You will more than likely be aggressive toward anyone who does not share your point of view.  I am not saying you need to stop watching the news, that is a start, but not what I am saying.  What I am saying is, you need to be aware of what you are putting in your mind.

  1. Get control of your thoughts.  When you find yourself dwelling on an untruth or something you don’t want to think about write that thought on a 3×5 card and write lie or un-truth or stop or whatever will help you realize that is a bad thought.  On the other side of the card write the truth and start reading that and putting it in your mind.
  2. Change the channel.  Watching television can depress you many studies show.  And others show that stopping can make you feel better about your world.  I assume if your kid sits on the couch and watches one man have sex with different women until he finds the one he likes (The Bachelor) he or she will assume that is the best way to find their soul mate and maybe you will too.
  3. Read good books.  This is a hard one, because over 40% of all Americans didn’t read books unless they are for work or school.  From my own life I know most people read infrequently at best.
    • When you read look at the comments, praise, bibliography, or other content to find other authors to read.
    • Don’t get caught up trying to read crap. I started trying to read from the Great Books of the Western World and realized I didn’t need to know that material. My brother ate it up, but it is not for me.
    •  Don’t overwhelm yourself.  Just start by reading ten minutes a day and go from there.
  4. Don’t listen to negative people. Friends and family are a trap.  Spend as little time with the negative ones as you can.  I know this is hard when your father is a world renowned cynic and you feel obligated to see him every week, but you have to take responsibility for yourself. If he is tearing you down then you need to cut his time down to a minimum just to show respect.  If a friend is this way then reduce the time you spend with them and eventually just stop seeing them.  It isn’t a marriage, you don’t have to have a reason to get new friends.

Start becoming aware of what goes into your mind and take control of it.

Filed Under: Personal Growth · Tagged: , , , , , , ,

Know Where You Really Are In Life

February 1, 2012 by · 3 Comments

To get anywhere you must first know where you are.  As much as taking responsibility for yourself is the first step to being a leader, knowing where you really are in life is the second.  Let me explain.

When I was in my 20′s I spent four years in the US Navy.  While I was on the ship I did everything I could to grow as a leader.  I learned all the systems and procedures.  I worked on every qualification I could get.  But I neglected on thing, studying for the advancement exams.  While I was busy learning about my ship and everything on it, my peers were studying for advancement.  I knew so much about the ship my higher ranked peers had to stand watches under my authority because of my qualifications.  They did outrank me, but they did not have the respect attributed to the watches I stood.

Leadership isn’t about money, it is about respect.  I couldn’t learn anything from Donald Trump because I don’t respect him.  If people don’t respect you, you can’t lead them.  Knowing where you are in life leads you to growth. Even if you work in the mail room, learning your trade, doing your job well, and treating people with respect will allow you to lead people.

The flip side is where are you mentally.  I got out of the Navy because I knew I could do more with my life outside of the structured environment.  Many of the guys who advanced ahead of me stayed in because they saw themselves as thriving within the structure.  My brother-in-law just retired after 20 years in the Navy, and he thrived not only physically but mentally in that structure.  He was also a leader of men and women.  His list of accomplishments was longer for things he did outside of his duties than within his duties because he also knew that the Navy was not his be-all-end-all.

No matter where you are in life, you can become a leader if you want to.  It may take time, it will take learning, but when you wake up in ten years and you realize you aren’t where you started it will all be worth it.

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Filed Under: Leadership Basics, Personal Growth · Tagged: , , ,
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