When you find people doing what you want to do get as close to them as you can. For me it was tapes and cd’s, but today you can get blog posts, and podcasts from just about every type of business in the world.  Don’t just try and imitate these people.  If you try to “Fake it, till you make it” you’ll end up just going in circles at best, broke and discouraged at worst.  What you want to do is learn from them and pay the price of personal growth.  You may not see the change today or tomorrow, but one year from now you will see a difference, five years from now you will look back at the person you are now and not know that person.  But it starts with finding people to learn from and applying the principles to your life.

Give back what you learn.  One of my goals is to personally mentor two people every year and challenge them to pass that on to someone else.  If you are a leader I believe you should pass on what you know. If you are an aspiring leader find someone to come along side you and learn together.

First of all has to be books.  We are a book buying society.  Whether or not we read the books we buy is another story, and that is part of the self-discipline problem.  If you buy a book to help you then at least take the time to read it.  You can read five pages a day and complete a 200 page book in a month and a half, so reading is not hard.

Next you can get apps on you computer or phone to help teach you discipline.  I have an app that I enter every bite of food that goes in my mouth on.  It tells me how many calories i need, what I take in, and how much exercise I have done.  I use it because I needed discipline in that area, and it is great.

Find someone to keep you accountable.  If you can’t hire a coach then get a friend, but make sure he or she is willing to ask you tough questions, and make sure you are ready to give truthful answers.  If you are not willing to be honest, you will never do this.

The bible says Knowledge begins with respect for the Lord. but Foolish people hate wisdom and discipline. (Proverbs 1:7 NCV) Get smart, learn to discipline yourself, and get growing.

Coming from the southern United States we have a saying about being friendly to people we don’t agree with,

It’s easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.

If you are hard and judgmental to people you disagree with, you will do nothing but reinforce their belief that Christians are jerks. It wasn’t people outside the church that Jesus was harsh with, it was the church leaders that Jesus scolded.  He was friendly and welcoming to those that did not fit into the culture of the day.  He had dinner with the sinners and tax collectors, and instead of judging them he welcomed them and judged the leaders who said he was doing wrong.

Jesus talked to the woman at the well, who was not only a woman normal men of that day would not talk to, she was also a different nationality the Jews thought were dirty and hated.  Jesus loved her, and was very straight forward with her about her sin.  He gave her real life, but none of this could have ever happened if he closed his mind to people his culture said was less than human.

If you grew up hearing that God was waiting to strike you down, and punish you for anything bad you did, I want to urge you to read the New Testament and see the love Jesus showed.  Being friendly is a trait we should all have as Christians and not just on Sunday Morning.

We are bombarded with information and advertisements.  what you see many times is a blur, unless the ad is about something you are looking for.  Marketers know that you see what you want to. If you set up a website and want to advertise you know that what you see is not what others looking at you site see.  In Your life, you see what you want to. If you believe your boss is a jerk you will see everything he or she does as a behavior leading you to know that you are right. If you believe a certain stereotype about another race, everything you see or hear will steer you toward the deepening of that belief. If you believe all poor people are lazy then that is what you will see.

We are called not to have these general beliefs about anyone.  We are called to love not our friends but also our enemies. Every day I hear Christians say they hate the leaders in congress, or hate the president (present or former you chose). We can’t hate, we must love people whether we agree with them or not. 1 Corinthians 13 says:

  4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

One of the first steps you must take is freeing yourself of beliefs of other people and cultures that are destructive to your growth as a Christian. We have become so caught up in the political name calling we see each night on our news or hear on our radios that we have carried it into our Christian churches, and it must stop. Defend your message, but you must still love the other messenger. When a Christian makes a derogatory statement about someone they disagree with they hurt the church as a whole not the person they are attacking.

We have been called to a higher standard and we have lost site of that. Change the way you think and you can change the way you see things. Paul tells us this in Romans 12

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Start On Time – If you want to lose people fast then start late every meeting.  I know people arrive at different times, but adults need to be adults and we need to start when we say we will.

Don’t Answer Your Own Question – If you have a stronger knowledge of the bible than your participants this can become an out for participants.  Just be quiet and wait.  A little silence can go a long way in building a group.

Make Sure Everyone Feels Safe When Sharing - Nothing will destroy a group faster than some one telling another member they’re wrong.  You have to let every one know that not all of us are at the same faith or knowledge level so we need to be patient and help each other grow.

Ask Leading Questions – I learned this when I sold cars.  Never ask a yes or no question.  We were trained to ask, “Did you come in looking for a new or used car today?” or “Are you looking for a car or Truck today?”  Leading questions help people formulate their own ideas and build their faith.

Ask Follow-up Questions – If a question comes to your mind while someone is answering a question then ask it.  You may not be the only one who is thinking it.

Be Excited About the Group – If you’re not excited no one else will be.  You are going to set the mood for every meeting.  If you see people at church or around town then say something about how great the last time together was and build the group up.

Let The Questions Soak – This is another car sales tactic.  like I said earlier silence is okay.  When people are silent after a question it doesn’t mean they don’t have an answer, it means they are trying to formulate it in their heads.  While we are uncomfortable today with silence you have to not say anything and be willing to wait it out.

Make Sure Everyone Has a Chance to Answer - You may have one person who answers most of the questions either because of knowledge, lack of knowledge (they want to look smart), more comfortable answering, they hate silence, or many other reasons.  You have to encourage others to answer as well. Dissenting views are the hardest to get because they don’t want to look like they are trying to pick a fight or look wrong.  Getting multiple answers to a question may be the hardest task of all, but it gets easier with practice.

Have Fun – If this is looked at as a time of serious fun more people will take part.  Take time to just meet and share a light meal or coffee.  Go to a park or the beach together.  Build relationships while you build your faith.

Pray – If you are leading a small group, these people need you to be a spiritual leader for them.  You need to pray for each person under your leadership and pray for the meeting times as well.  You don’t have to be the one who prays at every group meeting, but you do need to be the one leading the prayer charge behind the scenes.

What Tips Do You Have For Leading Small Groups?  Do You Have  A Small Group Story You Can Share?

We have to divide it up. By dividing up our day we understand what we are supposed to do in each division.  We can divided it up into three, eight-hour parts.  We can divide it up into six, four-hour parts.  We can divided it up however we want, but we need to understand the time that is in each division.

Most of us should get 8 hours of sleep each night so that 8 hours should be one division.  Most of us work 8 hours a day so that should be another division.  That leaves us with 8 hours of free time. There is no more time than that in a day.  So we need to stop living like there is.

The other 8 hours. I understand that in this 8 hours most of us spend one hour getting ready for work and between one and two hours commuting.  This 3 hour time frame should not be wasted either.  You should be listening a two motivational or spiritual CDs or mp3s during this time.  Zig Ziglar always said you could get a masters level course within three years if you would just listen to good CDs commuting back and forth to work.

Developing yourself. Many people want to be paid before they do anything. If you really want to get promoted and make more money at your job then you need to develop yourself.  If you don’t like your job then this eight-hour time window is your key to the advancement or to another job.  If you waste it then you will be where you are or you will be out of the job.

Time with family. This is also the time you need to spend with your family.  It is not the time to watch television and become a vegetable.  If you are putting your kids in a room with a television or computer and you are sitting in another room watching television or playing on the computer you need to turn it off and do something with your kids.

Please don’t waste the time you’ve been given.  Think about what you have to do then make out a time-sheet so you can do what you need to do.

1. What can I trim back? Yes there is something in your life now that you can get rid of.  Maybe you are causing your children stress because they have to be good at music and sports.  Maybe they could focus on just one thing and be the best at that.  Then you would only have to run half the places you do now.  Maybe you can cut out the expensive coffee, and save some money for a trip.  What ever it is you can cut at least one thing out of your schedule.

2. What is distracting me? Do you have things in your life that cause you to break concentration and focus?  Try different way to get alone and just focus on the task at hand.  Yes it is okay to make your kids go to their rooms so you can focus.  That is what door locks are for.

3. What is holding me back? I know you are on the fast track and money is just rolling into your pockets, but are you doing what you feel like you were made to do?  Most people find fulfilling success when they stop letting the chains of a real job hold them back.  No, the answer is not your spouse.  Get counseling if you think it is.

4. Who do I need to talk to? Is there unresolved hurt in your life? Have you hurt someone and need to apologize to them?  Which ever way this goes you need to make the time and get it resolved.

5. Where can I give back? If you expect to receive you need to give. One of the best ways to gain perspective in life is to work in a shelter or a soup kitchen.  Get rid of the majority of your clothes.  The Salvation Army or Goodwill can always use items.

Your life balance is not just up to you as Christians we must learn to rely on Jesus. You chose to be where you are now and you can choose to be somewhere different if you let Jesus work in your life.

We all know this, but do we believe it. John Maxwell gave us the mantra, “Leaders are readers.”  Many other Christian leaders have come along and reiterated the process by which we all grow.  In Roman 12:1-2 the apostle Paul tells us,

Dear friends, God is good. So I beg you to offer your bodies to him as a living sacrifice, pure and pleasing. That’s the most sensible way to serve God. Don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to him. (CEV)

In the NIV it say, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  Our self-improvement does not come from ourselves.  Many of us believe this transformation takes place over the course of our Christian walk.  Through the Holy Spirit we are changed to be more like Christ here on Earth.  But in order for this transformation to take place we have to spend time with Christ in prayer and reading in the bible.  In his book Courageous Leadership Bill Hybels quotes an article by Dee Hock who says we should spend 50% of our time leading ourselves (p183).  Bill Hybels said he was stunned when he read it, and I was stunned when I read what he wrote, so I imagine you may be a little stunned when you read this.  So what do we do?

After unpacking that statement over the last month, I began to look at it in the light of the disciples.  As leaders in the 21st century we spend a lot of time doing busy work. I follow a lot of the “Church Leaders” of today on twitter and they spend a lot of time just tweeting about what they do. The disciples spent their time learning from Jesus, and trying to get a grasp around what he was doing and saying.  We spend most of our time either trying to look like we are important, or trying to be like other leaders of today and not Jesus.

The disciples asked questions. We believe that we have expensive college degrees, so we know everything.  These university degrees allow us to hold the positions we have and to tell others what to do.  Most of our power comes from our positions and not from Jesus.  We need to learn from the disciples who in Acts 6 put others in charge of waiting tables while they devoted themselves to learning and sharing the word. We have to spend time away from the crowds to lead the crowds.

We can choose one of two roads. The easy one that says, “I am a leader and these people will follow me.” or the one that says, “I am a leader and I need to learn to lead myself first.” The road we choose will determine how much time we spend letting Jesus develop us as leaders.

Be willing to learn.  Many people want to be successful but they just want the success not the work involved.  I love reading and listening to Dr John Maxwell.  I am as much a product of his leadership as any young leader today.  But, I think too many of us want to be giant church leaders because that is the story he spread.  I also believe he will be the first one to warn that you have to be willing to put in the work and learn before you can be a leader.

Be satisfied with where you are, but continue to dream. Don’t mis-read that.  What I am saying is grow where you are.  If you are a genuinely good leader then you should want to help those around you. If you are constantly jumping from church to church it is not a sign of leadership, that is a sign of immaturity.

Read good books.  I read constantly while I was gaining knowledge of the ship. I read schematics, diagrams, and service manuals.  I learned all that I could through the books that were available to me.  If you are going to be a leader, you have got to read the books that will build you up. Your Next Read is a good source to help you find what you need to read next.   Don’t just read books from today, read books that were popular 10, 20, or even 100 years ago.  We don’t have the best books ever written today so look to the past.

Teach others.  Every time I learned one watch station I tried to teach everyone working with me what I knew.  Doing this taught me two things. First, not everyone wants to learn.  I know that’s hard to believe but it is true.  Many people want the success they see you have but they really just want the appearance not the knowledge.   Second, people will get credit for what you do.  Teach others anyway.  What you do makes you a leader, not the praise that comes with it. Never, harbor ill will towards anyone who gets credit for what you do.

Practice Your Craft. I sat in front of consoles and crawled in bilges for hours learning the correct sequence for shutting down the engines, fuel and oil pumps, and every other system in the engine rooms.  Practice makes perfect is not just a good saying, it is a fact.   Practicing being a leader will not make you a leader, but it will make you a better human.

Learn Form those who went before you.  Find someone who is doing what you want to do and latch yourself to them. I followed two men around for those two years and watched everything they did. I sat at the console while they were on watch, I picked their brains for information, and I even began carrying myself and talking like they did.  While I didn’t become them, I put every ounce of effort I could into learning what they knew.

The one thing I learned since then is Learn to listen to Jesus.  I wasn’t a Christian when I was in the Navy, so Jesus never played a role in what I did.  We are bombarded with opportunities daily as leaders so we need to be in tune with Christ and what he is doing on our lives and world so we can discern what he wants us to do.

What can you do today to grow as a leader?  Are you being mature about what is happening around you or to you? Can you see opportunities if they present themselves?

Learn To Manage Your Time. I use Focus Booster to help compartmentalize time into 25 minute blocks.  Built around the Pomodoro Technique focus booster help you see time for what it really is, a tool.  After working for 25 minutes you take a five-minute break and after every 4 pomodoros you take a long 10 – 15 minute break.

Turn Of  All Social Network Alerts.  This is one of the most time-consuming things people do in our culture.  Stay off of social networks unless it is your job to be on them.  If you have Tweetdeck, HootSuite or any other social network platform turn off the alerts.  You don’t need to know everything all the time.

Don’t Turn On Your Browser. Let’s face it, we are all on the computer for work and play more than we really need to be.  I write, obviously because you are reading what I am writing, when I write I use Microsoft’s Live Writer.  It connects to my blog so I can write offline and send it to my blog without having to get on the internet at all.  There are dozens of tools you can use to do most tasks without getting on the internet at all.  Yes a computer can do more things than surf the internet.

Sticking with our theme, Keep Your Email Program Closed.  No you don’t have to check you email every five minutes.  It’s time some one stood up to say, don’t expect people to email you back instantly.  I will get back to you and your time is not more important than mine.

Turn Your Phone Off.  There is nothing more rude than you checking you text messages while I am trying to talk to you.  Turn it off and leave it off.  Five years ago we could live without our phones, if you can’t do it now you may have a problem.  There is no one that is so important they must have a phone on 24/7. (Mr. President you are included, turn it off and spend time with the wife and kids.  You have my permission.)

These are just a few ways you can eliminate distractions in your life.  Stepcase Lifehack has a list of apps to help eliminate distractions.  Wise Bread gives us 6 areas we can get rid of distractions in.

Take time and think of the little things that eat away at your time each day.