The above question was posed by my youngest son after some friends had an invisible fence installed at their new home.  The question has stuck with me for a couple of weeks now and, me being me, I have pondered what some of the invisible fences look like in our lives.

Other People

One of the strongest barriers are other people.  We let others dictate our moods, our thoughts, and many times our jobs.  Many of the people in your life that put up the fences don’t even know they are affecting you so you live behind the fence by yourself while they are out having fun and roaming the neighborhood.  Don’t let others dictate your life, listen to your inner voice and break free.

Money

I wrote is not a rat race .  I called it the rat race then but if you are running around the yard behind the invisible fence of money, you are still not going anywhere. I know, you got a house and all the food you can eat, but are you really living?  Get out and share some time with your puppies.

Beliefs

This is a hard barrier to cross especially for people who live in the United States.  Your beliefs can separate you from others that can add to your life.  If you decide people who do not believe what you believe are all stupid or evil, your fence may be pretty strong.  The good news is that any fence can be dug up.  Go make a friend with someone who is out of your belief area. Go cut the cord and go run around the neighborhood.  Find out what other dogs are roaming around free and join them.

I don’t know what your invisible fence looks like or where it comes from.  What I do know is that if you do not do something about it you will never become the person you were created to be.

Seth Godin: Maybe You Need New Friends

One of the trends I see when I talk to people is fewer and fewer meaningful relationships. This goes unnoticed in the work place because we may have several surface relationships (relationships that are not over an inch deep) but these do not make up for just a couple of deep life sharing relationships.

I remember as a child growing up in rural Arkansas we ate every Sunday lunch with all of our extended family. We cooked out on holidays and people would quite literally come out of the hills (no my family tree is not a telephone pole). What I am getting at is the days of families living in the same geographical area are over for most people. We do not have close relatives to talk to about what is going on in our lives. We are actually turning inward and shutting out personal relationships altogether. This trend was shown in a study done by Duke University and The University of Arizona. We need to begin to cultivate deeper relationships with like-minded people or maybe even with people we do not completely agree with. Where do we find these people?

I suggest starting at your place of employment. Are there any people who you know very surface level that you have thought you may want to get to know more about? If you are not a talker you may want to buy books on cultivating relationships. One of my favorites is Dr. John C Maxwell’s “25 Ways to Win with People.” This just gives you 25 suggestions to build better relationships.

Second, you could join a group of like-minded people, The Optimist Club, Toastmasters or the Chamber of Commerce in your local area. Maybe you could join a Church or Synagogue. I do not know about synagogues but most churches today offer men’s groups, women’s groups, singles ministries, family and marriage ministries. So they have opportunities for everyone to be part of something. I am starting a men’s mentoring group this fall at my church. I will be doing the same type of coaching I offer my client’s but it will be in a group setting.

My point is this. Take the time to develop deep relationships. You musty make the time. Do not say I will do it tomorrow do it now. You know the saying that tomorrow never will come. Host parties at your house; just do something to get involved with others. I give you this warning, people are still people. None of us are perfect but if you worry about getting hurt you will miss all the happiness as well. Don’t give up because in the end the only thing we really leave behind are the lives we touch.