What Barriers Are Holding You Back?

“What Does The Invisible Fence Look Like?”

The above question was posed by my youngest son after some friends had an invisible fence installed at their new home.  The question has stuck with me for a couple of weeks now and, me being me, I have pondered what some of the invisible fences look like in our lives.

Other People

One of the strongest barriers are other people.  We let others dictate our moods, our thoughts, and many times our jobs.  Many of the people in your life that put up the fences don’t even know they are affecting you so you live behind the fence by yourself while they are out having fun and roaming the neighborhood.  Don’t let others dictate your life, listen to your inner voice and break free.

Money

I wrote is not a rat race .  I called it the rat race then but if you are running around the yard behind the invisible fence of money, you are still not going anywhere. I know, you got a house and all the food you can eat, but are you really living?  Get out and share some time with your puppies.

Beliefs

This is a hard barrier to cross especially for people who live in the United States.  Your beliefs can separate you from others that can add to your life.  If you decide people who do not believe what you believe are all stupid or evil, your fence may be pretty strong.  The good news is that any fence can be dug up.  Go make a friend with someone who is out of your belief area. Go cut the cord and go run around the neighborhood.  Find out what other dogs are roaming around free and join them.

I don’t know what your invisible fence looks like or where it comes from.  What I do know is that if you do not do something about it you will never become the person you were created to be.

Seth Godin: Maybe You Need New Friends

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Popularity of Life Coaching

Just a few short years ago if someone told you they had a coach you would have probably thought they had a tennis or a golf coach they were working with to improve their game.  Now when someone says they have a coach more and more people realize that person is trying to grow as a person, and trying to become successful on their terms.

Personal life coaching has an enormous potential for growth.  As I mentioned in another post Why Not Become A Life Coach, there are thousands of areas where you can become a coach.  If you look at each person in America, they need coaching for: personal development, finances, marriage, home schooling, decorating, career, leadership, starting a business, accomplishing goals, and any number of things you can think of.

Why Is Life Coaching So Popular?

In my opinion, life coaching is so popular first because, most people already know what they want to do.  People have goals but most people need some one to come along side them and help them fine tune the goals and act on them.  They also need an honest sounding board that may not be specifically tied to them like a close friend is.  Friends are great, they just think like you do so they may not have the best view of what is going on.

Second, most people don’t have a mentor they can go to.  I had a conversation last week with a friend about how we wished someone would have come along side us earlier in life to open our eyes to the opportunities that are in front of us now.  If everyone had a mentor there would be no need for coaches.  Coaches are available now to come along side us and help each person walk through the opportunities at hand.

Finally, coaching is so popular because technology has made it possible.  Cell phones let us talk for unlimited minutes.  The internet lets us stay in constant communication and do seminars at all times of the day and night.  But technology has also made it harder to find a good coach.  You need to talk to several coaches before you make a choice on hiring one.  Just because a coach charges a lot of money does not mean that coach is a good coach, it just means they charge a lot of money.  Find a coach you can connect with and feel comfortable with not one that is going to charge you a whole months paycheck to get the same results.

If you are looking for a Christian Life Coach you can see my coaching page.

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

The Earth's atmosphere refracts the sunlight, ...
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If you are not satisfied with your current physical, monetary, spiritual, or any other situation the good news is you can change all aspects of your life just by changing the way you think. At the first of every year we hear that we must set goals to accomplish various tasks with in the next year. As you already know, most people who start these programs will stop within the first month – or two at most.

Why?

From what I have seen as a personal coach the most common reason is, the person has not come to a full understanding of how to change what they want to change. Most people have clouded their thinking  with the thoughts of others so they are  trying to accomplish a goal put there by someone else. The good news is that this can be fixed in four easy steps.

1) Decide what you really want. That sounds simplistic but in reality this is the main reason for stopping before reaching the goal. Do you really honestly want to accomplish this goal? If you do why do you want to? Is this for your own good or for the benefit of someone else? Are you doing this to fit into society? Continue to work down to find what the real reason is and you will find what the real goal is.

2) Once you have decided what it is you really want write it down. Once you see it on paper it becomes more realistic to you and you can get your mind around it better. Now rewrite it in the first person present tense form such as: I have x, I pray x times daily, I weigh x pounds. Once you have it in the first person present tense your mind can begin to accept it. Read it at least 6 times per day. This will solidify the way you think. Once your mind accepts the goal as fact, it will begin to change and help you accomplish that goal.

Hint: Take a favorite proverb and do this with it.

3) Set a realistic time frame to accomplish the goal. If you are broke with no job finding a new job may take a month or two. If you are over weight and it took twenty years to get here don’t try to get rid of it in six months. A realistic time frame is crucial in the achieving the goals you set

4) Make better choices. Turn off the T.V. and read good books. Start reading books and magazines that lift you up not tear you down. Start cooking at home instead of dining out. Write a letter instead of using email. This step will be the most helpful part of the process.

You can change any aspect of your life if you want to. If you just learn to change your thought process, you can transform yourself a little each day.

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Personal Development-Why It’s Important

Why can we not just show up? We hear all the time about the kid that makes a million dollars just because he or she just did one small thing. So why can’t we just show up and be successful. I know a couple that was in the right place at the right time and are now millionaires. The problem is the right place was managing McDonald’s. Are you willing to start at the bottom cooking fries and flipping burgers to make a million dollars? Probably not; so you waste tens of thousands of dollars trying to find the next get rich scheme on the internet or in mail order or where ever it may come from.

Personal Development is the key to changing your life. 
 John Maxwell once said, “What your are reading today, is who you will be ten years from now.” Do you understand the implications of watching the news or just television in general everyday for hours on end. It consumes you it becomes who you are. you begin to see that life is bad. everyone is out to get everyone else. Our government is out to get us. You lose your will to be the success you were called to be. You take on the personification of someone you are not.

If you want to succeed tomorrow then start by bettering your life. Go Buy a book or get some coaching. If you think coaching is to expensive then try email coaching or hit me up on Facebook. I do email coaching all the time because it is more affordable for some people. Some books you can read are Zig Ziglars Better Than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live and John Maxwell’s Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarantee Tomorrow’s Success. Both of these books will start you on the road to personal development. But don’t stop with two. Read every book you can find on personal development and if you need someone to keep you accountable get a coach.  I am not saying read self-help books that tell you that you need a better view of yourself.  Read books that give you an outline of how to succeed.  You are not going to agree with or enjoy every book you read but if you get one nugget out of each book you will see yourself begin to change.  Over time ever thing you read and do adds up to help you rise above the rest. 

I have a coach to help me get better and my coach has a coach. Tiger, Oprah, and countless others have coaches.  Successful people have others around them that can speak encouragement to them and help them develop themselves.  If you have friends that are of the same mindset then begin to meet with them and start to sharpen each other.  If your friends are people who make fun of you and try to pull you down to their level then they are not the ones to speak encouragement into your life.  Get someone in your life you can count on to help in your development. 

If you want to be truly successful then you must develop yourself. I want to also suggest the bible as daily reading. If you are of a different faith then by all means read your holy books. But as a Christian I read the bible and suggest it to those I coach. Don’t let the rest of your life slip away. Make the choice today to become the person you were called to be.

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5 Simple Strategies For A Successful Personal Retreat

La Quinta Inn & Suites in Cary, north Carolina
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One of the best times for me to get things done is when I am alone on a personal retreat.  I usually take one day every three to four months and go away to think, dream, plan, and write.  I get a hotel room either here in Jacksonville, or close by so I do not have the stress of driving far.  This time away helps me get out of my familiar surroundings and open up my mind for new ideas.

So how do you do this?

1. Plan ahead.  Know where you are going.  Like I said I go on short trips for my get aways.   If you are going somewhere unfamiliar then make sure you have driving directions before you leave.  Get your hotel reservations made in advance.  I use La Quinta Inn’s and no I am not getting paid to write this.  From my experience La Quinta has some of the lowest rates and best hotels at least around here.  $45 per night a lot of time.

2. Set your agenda.  What do you want to get done?  By asking yourself this question and writing out what you want to do you will get more done than if you just show up.  My writing agenda looks like this.

  • Arrive and relax – first thirty minutes.
  • research – thirty minutes to one hour
  • break 15 minute
  • write thirty minutes to one hour
  • supper and unwind one to two hours
  • read or listen to something motivational 30 minutes (this usually spurs and idea or two)
  • write thirty minutes to one hour or until tired.  ( I am a night person so I do more at night.  If you are a morning person get rest now and start writing more in the morning)

3. Don’t turn on the TV.  I have turned the TV around before if I thought I was going to try to watch it.  If nothing else unplug it so you are not tempted.  If you turn it on you will get nothing done.

4. Take what you want to drink with you. This may sound simple or just to picky, but if you take bottled water or soda with you will not have to leave the room to go looking for a vending machine if you get thirsty in the middle of what you are doing.  I even take snacks and sometimes sandwich stuff so I can stay secluded as long as I want. Besides, it will save you some money.

5.  Don’t go down rabbit holes. By this I mean don’t follow every link on the internet when you are researching.  I can waste a couple of good hours just following links to every affiliate program squeeze page around.  Just make a conscious effort to stay on topic and not to get lost looking for the next big thing.

While this is an easy list, it is also one that many of you know you have left off one of these things and wasted and entire evening or lost your train of thought never to get back that one good idea.  Plan ahead, stay focused, and accomplish everything you need to.

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What Were You Thinking

Tiger Woods
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Have you ever asked that question of someone, or maybe yourself when they or you made a complete blunder?  I am watching a one year old pull over signs as his mother yells from across the room not to do that, like the one year old can understand, and I am thinking what are you thinking.  I know don’t sweat the small stuff, I’m trying.  Where do we hear it the most.  unless you have an overly dramatic parent or friend that says that a lot, you hear it in sports.  When the quarterback or pitcher makes a bad throw the announcer yells, “What was he thinking!”  Or when Tiger woods makes a bad shot the announcer says in a hushed tone, “I don’t know what he was thinking.”  Never mind that the person who commented could not even tie the shoes of most of these athletes but he or she has more power than anyone to disparage the play simply because he or she has a microphone or is a fan of the team.  Chang it to people who have success.  Does anyone ever ask Donald trump what he is thinking when he makes a good deal, or Tiger when he makes a good shot.  what do they think about when they have success.  What was Sully Sullenberger thinking when he landed that plane in the Hudson River.  He said he was thinking about the procedure.  Why?  Because he had made that landing or similar ones in a simulator before.  He had practiced the shot.

So What Were They Thinking?

Most professional athletes are the same way.  They practice being successful over and over and over.  Their minds are trained for success.  They watch the right films to put into their heads what to expect from each opponent in that game.  the study playbooks that have hundreds of different plays and memorize each one so success is always on their brain.  They believe they can do it.  When asked before the 2009 Masters if he believed he could win Tiger Woods replied, “Of course.”  If he thought about loosing all the time he would not be the tiger Woods we know.  He would be bagging groceries and maybe playing golf as a hobby but not the best golfer of our time.  If you want to be successful you have to start putting successful thoughts in your mind.  Success does not show up for most people.  Winning the lottery is not a practical avenue for success.  It is a poor persons tax not a success strategy.

Practice what you want to achieve.  If you start out as a hobby with what you want to be successful at, you can get really good at it before you quit your job and go full-time.  Turn off the television and begin to see yourself doing what it is you’re called to do in life.  If you don’t know what your calling is then begin to ask yourself what would I do if money were no object?  What would I do for free or little money?  What are your hobbies you enjoy doing now?  What did you want to do as a kid?  For me it was ppofessional speaking.  I would walk around our kitchen and speak to an audience of ten thousand people.  I would visualize them as I talked.  See yourself succeeding and practice being that success and as you begin to see yourself as a success you will begin to become what you dream about.

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Significance

Typically those that are famous are not significant, and those that are significant are not famous.

Dennis Prager, aired 30 November, 2009

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