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Take Responsibility For Yourself

February 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Most people go through life blaming others for their mistakes and failings.  How many times have you heard someone make an excuse when they were caught doing something wrong?  The majority of people who do wrong will never admit fault.  That also equates to the majority of people never taking responsibility for themselves and the lives they lead.  It was the way I was raised, I didn’t get a promotion because of the boss, they didn’t get hired because someone was younger, the government keeps me down, the church is to blame, or what ever else people say. * So how do we change?

We have to first realize who we are was created by our past.  No you couldn’t choose to be born somewhere else to other parents.  No you couldn’t choose where you lived or who you lived with as a child.  You are right now who you are because of your past and there is nothing you can do about that.  Next you have to draw a line today and let it all go.  This may take counseling or coaching, but you have to let the past be the past starting now.  Now you have to start taking responsibility for what you do from this point forward. This isn’t an easy task, but it will be rewarding the more you see yourself change and grow and move away from the blame game.

Some things you can do are:

Read good books – When I started my journey I read John Maxwell, Zig Ziglar, and Jim Rohn.  Get The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Or any other book that you believe will help you begin the journey.  John Maxwell said, “What you are reading today is who you will become in ten years.”

Stop watching the news or television at all – This is one of the strongest addictions for people to break.  Think about what you watch then think about how you react in certain situations.  I saw a survey once that said it only takes five minutes per day of bad news to make people believe those things will happen to them.   While I do still watch sports I got rid of satellite and bought a Roku Streaming Video Player so I could watch internet TV and movies instead of regular TV.

Ask for help.  – Coaching and counseling are great ways to help you get out of a rut.  If you can’t afford either of those, many pastors will help you for free, but you usually have to be a member of the church, and show some sort of effort to change.

When you figure out you are responsible for your life and your future you become a grown-up.

 

 

Caveat from the first paragraph *Do I believe the government makes it hard on people, I absolutely do.  But I also believe to  many people use the government excuse as a crutch.  The government favors the corporation there is no doubt, but the government does not make you smoke, eat cheeseburgers, take drugs, or believe you can’t.  If people really want to change they need to start by getting out of their own way.

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Know What Is Going Into Your Mind

February 2, 2012 By 1 Comment

Part of knowing where you are is knowing what you are doing with your thoughts.  Many people look to their childhood, teen years, or past experiences to describe why they do the things they do.  These excuses begin to in grain themselves into your subconscious mind and they keep you from becoming who you were created to be.  Let me explain.

A person I know believes every person in her family hates her because she believed her mother hated her.  When her mother passed away she found a note in her baby book where her mom explained she really didn’t want a girl.  Her mind stopped on that phrase and it has increased to everyone hating her.  What she fails to mention is the rest of her life.  Her mother may not have wanted girls but she got two, both of whom knew the boys were favored as they were growing up, and both who were raised and loved just the same.  One sister loves her family and spend time with them every year, the other shuns them and blames them for her troubles.

When you put bad, evil, and scary lies into your head, what do you believe will come out of your thoughts.  If you watch only news TV, Fox or CNN, do you think you will be more or less likely to respond hatefully to the other sides arguments?  You will more than likely be aggressive toward anyone who does not share your point of view.  I am not saying you need to stop watching the news, that is a start, but not what I am saying.  What I am saying is, you need to be aware of what you are putting in your mind.

  1. Get control of your thoughts.  When you find yourself dwelling on an untruth or something you don’t want to think about write that thought on a 3×5 card and write lie or un-truth or stop or whatever will help you realize that is a bad thought.  On the other side of the card write the truth and start reading that and putting it in your mind.
  2. Change the channel.  Watching television can depress you many studies show.  And others show that stopping can make you feel better about your world.  I assume if your kid sits on the couch and watches one man have sex with different women until he finds the one he likes (The Bachelor) he or she will assume that is the best way to find their soul mate and maybe you will too.
  3. Read good books.  This is a hard one, because over 40% of all Americans didn’t read books unless they are for work or school.  From my own life I know most people read infrequently at best.
    • When you read look at the comments, praise, bibliography, or other content to find other authors to read.
    • Don’t get caught up trying to read crap. I started trying to read from the Great Books of the Western World and realized I didn’t need to know that material. My brother ate it up, but it is not for me.
    •  Don’t overwhelm yourself.  Just start by reading ten minutes a day and go from there.
  4. Don’t listen to negative people. Friends and family are a trap.  Spend as little time with the negative ones as you can.  I know this is hard when your father is a world renowned cynic and you feel obligated to see him every week, but you have to take responsibility for yourself. If he is tearing you down then you need to cut his time down to a minimum just to show respect.  If a friend is this way then reduce the time you spend with them and eventually just stop seeing them.  It isn’t a marriage, you don’t have to have a reason to get new friends.

Start becoming aware of what goes into your mind and take control of it.

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Get Out Of Your Own Way

January 16, 2012 By 2 Comments

You have probably heard the saying from the King James version of Proverbs 23, “As a man thinks in his heart so is he.” And while most modern versions don’t translate the phrase that way, it is still a true statement about you and me.  What we put into our minds is what is going to come out of our thoughts and actions. Take sports for example.  What are some factors people think about when they play sports? Weather conditions, location (home or away), who the players are, the win-loss record, and many other factors that are processed over and over every week.  But if a player starts to think about those factors, he or she has already lost the game.  The same goes for us.  If you and I start thinking about the factors and conditions; I’m to young, I can’t write, I’m to old, what if my beliefs are challenged, and what ever else you think, we have already lost.

To turn it around we have to take responsibility for ourselves.  When you realize you are the only person you can control and you take responsibility for that, you will begin to change.  You can only control you and no one else can control you, unless you let them. Chose what you watch, chose what you listen to, chose who you hang around, and you will see a difference in your life.  When I stopped watching the political news everyday I began to see a change in the way I thought about politics and people on the other side.  Instead of thinking of them as stupid or bad or dumb, I began to see their point of view. I also realized that most politicians are just talkers who have no goal but to stay in power, so now I have no party affiliation. Sorry for the digression, but don’t miss my point.  When I started taking control of what went into my mind, my thoughts changed.

Paul ends his letter to the Philippians by telling them to think about the good things,

Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. Don’t ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. You know the teachings I gave you, and you know what you heard me say and saw me do. So follow my example. And God, who gives peace, will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9 CEV)

Put the good stuff in your head and the best stuff will come out of you.

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5 Ways To Change Your Mind

January 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Ever since James Allen wrote “As A Man Thinketh” people have asked that question.  do you lay in bed every morning and think about how bad your day at work will be?  Do you stay awake at night because you think about how bad it will be to get up in the morning?  Or, do you Spend time at night focusing on the possibilities that lay ahead of you the next day?  Do you take time every evening to lay out the things that need to be done the next day and think about the success you will have when you accomplish them?

All the examples above focus on thinking about your work, but two focus on the bad and two focus on the possibilities.  If you spend your time every day thinking about how to get out of work or how bad your job is, that is what it will be.   You will always get what you think about.  I’m not talking manifesting millions of dollars.  I’m talking about just changing the way you view your life and career.

1.  Change the questions you ask .  If you are asking how can I get out of this, or how can I kill time this afternoon.  You will get the answers.  Ask those questions enough you will get to answer them from the house, and then you will be asking how do i pay my bills.  Instead of asking questions that will get you out of work ask, “How can I make this fun,” or “How can I get better ideas for this job.”  You can get all the answers you want if you ask the right questions.

2.  Finish an important task.  When you spend time focusing on how to get out of work you tend to leave the things that really need to be done until the last-minute.  Stop procrastinating and do the things that need to be done before the deadline.  When you get an important project off your desk you feel better and a great weight is lifted from your soldiers.  Don’t say if I do the work they will only give me more.  That is bad thinking.  If you want to succeed you will have to pay the price and if it means doing more work you can handle it because you are asking better questions.

3.   Don’t focus on the past.  We all work with someone who has gotten under our skin at some time.  You can not dwell on those past arguments or on people who have gotten promoted before you.  If you focus on why she said this or why he got promoted and you didn’t you will never get promoted and possibly not keep your job to long.  Focus on what can be.  focus on that next promotion opportunity.  focus on who is in charge of that promotion and begin to find out what he or she is looking for in a candidate for promotion.  When you look to the future, the past will become very dim.

4.   Don’t focus on your critics.   “Just Drop it.”  Have you ever  said that, well us it to your advantage.  Just drop it.  If you focus on people who criticize  you are going to become angry and they will gain power over you.  Think about it.  No one can make you mad, unless you let them.  When you let them make you mad you give them power over you so they can come back at any time and change your whole attitude.  this will make your work poor and your focus from the good to the bad and how to get out of work.

5.   Focus on Others.   Giving back is a vital key to a successful life.  when you turn your focus off of yourself and begin to look at how you can reach out to others you begin to see success in a different light.  When you work with anyone who is handicapped in any way, you begin to see that success is not just having things. some times it is just seeing, or standing, or just listening.

If you follow these five steps you will begin to see your mind focusing on what it takes to succeed more and more and on failure less and less.

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The Decisions We Make Affect Our Whole Life

January 14, 2010 By Leave a Comment

On April 14 1865 two men made a decision to walk into a bar. One wanted to just have a drink because he was bored and the other needed a drink because he wanted to calm his nerves.

The bored man just wanted an escape. He just wanted a break from his thankless job. The other man new he had a job to do but wanted to kill time. He was working with others and they had planned on a certain time to fulfill their obligations. While the bored man continued to drink and talk with patrons the other man paid his tab and left.

By now if you know your history you know the next scene. The Place is the Star Tavern. The bored man is John F. Parker, President Abraham Lincoln’s body-guard. The Other man is John Wilkes Booth Lincoln’s assassin.

I tell this story to show that every decision no matter how small it seems at the time has the ability to affect the rest of your life, and many more people than just you.  If you chose not to see your prospective clients or do the work you were assigned then you may chose not to get a paycheck that week. If you chose to work 90 hours per week over spending time with your family, you could lose your family. You need to know your limit and balance your decisions. I am not telling you to be overly cautious. What I want is for you to make good decisions often.

Parker never wanted President Lincoln dead.  He was just bored and wanted to kill some time.  His little decision changed the course of history and the way the south and African-Americans were treated for the next hundred plus years.

What one little decision have you made that made a big difference in your or someone else’s life?

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What We Think About is What We Become

January 12, 2010 By Leave a Comment

We need to understand that what ever we do and say today is the direct result of what we have thought about for the last five or ten years. It is a result of the books, magazines, T.V. Shows, radio programs, mp3’s, and websites that we have spent time feeding to our mind. The seeds planted deep in our souls are where our words and deeds come from. If those seeds are planted in a fertile field they will grow to their full potential. But if those seeds are planted in bad soil they will drag us down and we will never see our God-given potential.

In the bible we are told to think on the good things of life. Philippians 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” When we think about the best things we see our God-given purpose lived out in our lives. But when we switch those things around, when we begin to think about things that are false, poor, wrong, dirty, hateful, unworthy, bad, and blaming. We can literally destroy ourselves beginning with our mind first.

You are the master of your mind. You are the gate-keeper of the information that flows in and what thoughts are developed. By analyzing every thought and by governing what you put in your mind you can quite literally make a conscious decision about your thoughts. You can decide what you think about . Once you decide what you are going to think about you will begin to move in the direction of your thoughts.

So What Happens? What happens when we begin to see some small success then poof we are back doing the old job we swore we would never do again? When we snatch defeat out of the jaws of success it means that we have started thinking about why we can’t do something. We begin to see all the reasons not to make the phone call or not to write what needs to be written, or do what need to be done.

How do we stop the bad thinking?

Start reading and turn off the T.V. Find good books and immerse yourself in them. Buy Success videos to watch when you are working with the T.V. on or buy cds or mp3s to use if you have the ability to use them instead of your T.V.

Get motivated. Listening to the right things and reading the right books will help you get and stay motivated. Get away from negative friends. If they do not believe in what you are doing then you don’t need to be around them. You know more people than you think and those people who may be on the fringe of your friend list may be the people who you need to be around.

Think about what you are saying to yourself. Really ask the better questions. Don’t ask, “Why do I always fail,” ask “How can I succeed at this” or, “What do I need to do to succeed.” You have everything in you to succeed at what you are meant to do. Don’t give up and you won’t fail.

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What Were You Thinking

January 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Tiger Woods
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Have you ever asked that question of someone, or maybe yourself when they or you made a complete blunder?  I am watching a one year old pull over signs as his mother yells from across the room not to do that, like the one year old can understand, and I am thinking what are you thinking.  I know don’t sweat the small stuff, I’m trying.  Where do we hear it the most.  unless you have an overly dramatic parent or friend that says that a lot, you hear it in sports.  When the quarterback or pitcher makes a bad throw the announcer yells, “What was he thinking!”  Or when Tiger woods makes a bad shot the announcer says in a hushed tone, “I don’t know what he was thinking.”  Never mind that the person who commented could not even tie the shoes of most of these athletes but he or she has more power than anyone to disparage the play simply because he or she has a microphone or is a fan of the team.  Chang it to people who have success.  Does anyone ever ask Donald trump what he is thinking when he makes a good deal, or Tiger when he makes a good shot.  what do they think about when they have success.  What was Sully Sullenberger thinking when he landed that plane in the Hudson River.  He said he was thinking about the procedure.  Why?  Because he had made that landing or similar ones in a simulator before.  He had practiced the shot.

So What Were They Thinking?

Most professional athletes are the same way.  They practice being successful over and over and over.  Their minds are trained for success.  They watch the right films to put into their heads what to expect from each opponent in that game.  the study playbooks that have hundreds of different plays and memorize each one so success is always on their brain.  They believe they can do it.  When asked before the 2009 Masters if he believed he could win Tiger Woods replied, “Of course.”  If he thought about loosing all the time he would not be the tiger Woods we know.  He would be bagging groceries and maybe playing golf as a hobby but not the best golfer of our time.  If you want to be successful you have to start putting successful thoughts in your mind.  Success does not show up for most people.  Winning the lottery is not a practical avenue for success.  It is a poor persons tax not a success strategy.

Practice what you want to achieve.  If you start out as a hobby with what you want to be successful at, you can get really good at it before you quit your job and go full-time.  Turn off the television and begin to see yourself doing what it is you’re called to do in life.  If you don’t know what your calling is then begin to ask yourself what would I do if money were no object?  What would I do for free or little money?  What are your hobbies you enjoy doing now?  What did you want to do as a kid?  For me it was ppofessional speaking.  I would walk around our kitchen and speak to an audience of ten thousand people.  I would visualize them as I talked.  See yourself succeeding and practice being that success and as you begin to see yourself as a success you will begin to become what you dream about.

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